The Hyper-Tapir

The Hyper-blog has been very quiet for some time - but there's a very good reason!

The renowned expert on the history and science of Hyper-animals, Sir Dennis Rottenburrough, our man in the field as it were, has at last returned from his latest world-spanning adventure! We are thrilled to reveal his newest Hyper-discovery - the Hyper Tapir. Here are his words describing this stunning beastie:

"The common Tapir is known best for it's extended, trunk-like, snout. It uses this hollow appendage to feed off of shrubs, grasses, and berries.
The Hyper-Tapir uses it's snout to pursue an unholy interest in urology, proctology, and gynecology."

Hyper T-Shirts are here (for a limited time only)!

The Hyper Monkeys have invaded Teepublic.com and forced those poor people to print them on T-Shirts!!! You have 72 hours to help me get rid of them before it's too late! Just $14 and you can do your part to stamp out the screeching, poo-flinging tyranny that is the HYPER-MONKEY!

 

https://www.teepublic.com/show/114195-hyper-monkey

The Hyper Dung Beetle

The Hyper Dung Beetle is one of the most feared creatures on the planet, but not because it is dangerous. It is terrifying entirely because of it's horrible impatience.

The Hyper Dung Beetle is not content with simply finding animal dung lying about. It is driven to collect directly from the source.

This behavior is probably the reason Hyper-Elephants are almost always found at the tops of trees.

The Hyper-Chameleon

 

Unlike ordinary Chameleons, the Hyper-Chameleon does not alter its appearance to blend in with the environment.

It does, however, alter the environment to match its appearance, usually by stealing someones credit cards and buying everything green in the IKEA catalog. Or perhaps everything red, or blue, depending on its mood.

The Hyper-Parasitic Wasp

The Parasitic Wasp has horrified humanity for centuries because of its habit of stinging caterpillars and other prey, laying eggs on them, and letting the larvae eat the poor victim from the inside-out, alive.

The Hyper-Parasitic Wasp is exactly the same, except that they actually are White Anglo-Saxon Protestants.

The Hyper-Woolly Bear Caterpillar

Folklore would have us believe the Woolly Bear Caterpillar can predict the harshness of the upcoming Winter season.

The Hyper-Woolly Bear Caterpillar is fully capable of accurately predicting the exact time and manner of your death.

Should you encounter the Hyper-Woolly Bear Caterpillar in your travels, DO NOT read any tiny notes left on your doorstep soon afterward.

The Hyper-Sloth

The Hyper-Three Toed Sloth stands apart from the common Three Toed Sloth in a most peculiar fashion. While the Common Sloth is famous for slowness, the Hyper-Sloth, from birth to death, never moves of its own accord. It relies entirely on external forces to travel about its territory. How it survives is a complete mystery, because it has never been studied long enough to find out.

This may be due to it's horrible stench and constant giggling like a little girl.